Image Credit - nogoodforme.filmstills.org
I had a particularly lovely day on Tuesday! I was in that lovely place of peaceful contentment, happy with my lot. I was feeling very positive about the world and life in general. As I merrily prepared the dinner for Mr T coming home, I was looking forward to seeing his happy face coming through the door!
Well Mr T did come through the door but his face was not happy! He had received a congestion charge of £75 from a recent trip to London. He has a Prius which has previously been exempt from such charges but due to a change in the law in January, he was obliged to pay. To say he was not a happy chappy is an understatement. He grumbled through dinner, moaned through dessert and huffed through his cup of tea.
I tried to cajole him out of his strop, I told him to look on the positive side, I told him to be glad that he can afford to pay it. I told him not to let it spoil his day. I advised him not to be negative about money as he could bring more bills his way. All of my good intentioned advice was met with frowns, growls and I am sure I saw a gnashing of teeth when he told me that it has spoiled his day!
It suddenly dawned on me that sometimes we don't want to be pulled out of a bad mood, sometimes we just want to wallow and moan and groan..........for a little while at least! Sometimes you just have to feel the emotion and come out of it when you are good and ready. I do believe my happy, chirpy disposition may be adding to his misery.
So....I have come in to write my blog and left Mr Grumpy to wallow for an hour or so. I say wallow, as this is what Paul McGee suggests you do when you have had a set back. This is taken from his book SUMO (Shut up and Move On) which interestingly was bought for me by Mr. T.!
"So what can we do and who should we turn to when we suffer a setback? I’m known as ‘The S.U.M.O. Guy’ because I teach people to Shut Up, Move On! I show people how to Shut up and stop thinking and behaving in a way that hinders their success and to move forward with their lives. Some people believe that is all we need to do after a setback, Shut Up, Move On. However, for many of us, part of the process of moving involves us first having what I term ‘Hippo Time’. Hippo Time is when we allow ourselves some time out to wallow (as hippos do in mud) and to acknowledge our frustration and disappointment and perhaps even anger. We’re not robots. We cannot simply turn our emotions on and off at the flick of a switch. What Hippo Time does, is give you the opportunity to experience your emotional lows and to be honest about those feelings
However, in order to make Hippo Time a helpful rather than a harmful experience, make
sure you avoid three kinds of people:
1. ‘The Hijackers’. These are the people who take over your Hippo Time with comments such as “I know how you feel, the same thing happened to me”
2. ‘The Awfulisers’. These people give too much sympathy and can make you feel even worse about your situation. They say things such as “That’s terrible, you must feel awful ……. I had a friend with an in-growing toe nail and he had to have his toe removed!”
3. ‘The Happies’. These are the ‘I’m really positive but I have no grasp of reality’ people. You lose your legs in an accident and they smile sincerely and say “At least you’ve still got your arms”. Or your partner finishes your relationship and they reply “Well, plenty more fish in the sea"
How To Make Hippo Time A Helpful Experience?
1. Allow yourself to ‘feel bad’. It’s actually OK to feel down. Give yourself permission to do so.
2. Be careful who you speak to. Find someone who will listen without feeling obliged to offer advice.
3. Avoid hasty decisions. Allow yourself time to work through your feelings before taking action.
4. Learn from it. Whatever you’ve experienced, from a missed sale to a failed relationship, there is always something to learn. Ask yourself, “What can I learn from this experience?”
5. Treat yourself. This does not equate to binge shopping, but a small treat can be the ideal ‘pick me up’. You’re then in a better frame of mind to move forward.
6. Treat others. Do something positive for someone else for no particular reason. You’ll feel an ‘inner satisfaction’ for having done so. Feeling good about yourself prevents you slipping into pity party mode.
7. Change the record. It’s not helpful to tell too many people about your issue. You can end up sounding like a broken record. Remember to re-tell is to re-live and that is not always helpful.
8. Make space. You may need time simply to be alone with your thoughts, as opposed to talking through your issue with others. Personal ‘alone time’ may well be the order of the day.
9. Decide on desirable distractions. Perhaps what you need is to stop thinking about your issue altogether. Watch a movie, take some exercise or surf the net. When you do decide to re-focus, you often have a fresh perspective on your situation.
10. Write down your ‘downs’. Putting your thoughts and feelings down on paper can be a helpful way of off loading and working through your issue. Seeing things on paper can create a sense of clarity as well as being an honest account of how you’re feeling at the time. You’re then in a position to decide how best to move on.
Whichever of the above helps, remember this - Hippo Time is temporary. Successful people make sure they don’t spend too long wallowing and realise that setbacks are temporary, but quitting lasts a life time.
See more of Paul's work at http://www.thesumoguy.com/default.aspx
(I think I may have been one of those annoying "Happies" this evening!)
I think I will resist asking him if he can find the gift in this situation!!! I can just imagine the response!
Love and Blessings,
Jean Fisher-Taylor x
sure you avoid three kinds of people:
1. ‘The Hijackers’. These are the people who take over your Hippo Time with comments such as “I know how you feel, the same thing happened to me”
2. ‘The Awfulisers’. These people give too much sympathy and can make you feel even worse about your situation. They say things such as “That’s terrible, you must feel awful ……. I had a friend with an in-growing toe nail and he had to have his toe removed!”
3. ‘The Happies’. These are the ‘I’m really positive but I have no grasp of reality’ people. You lose your legs in an accident and they smile sincerely and say “At least you’ve still got your arms”. Or your partner finishes your relationship and they reply “Well, plenty more fish in the sea"
How To Make Hippo Time A Helpful Experience?
1. Allow yourself to ‘feel bad’. It’s actually OK to feel down. Give yourself permission to do so.
2. Be careful who you speak to. Find someone who will listen without feeling obliged to offer advice.
3. Avoid hasty decisions. Allow yourself time to work through your feelings before taking action.
4. Learn from it. Whatever you’ve experienced, from a missed sale to a failed relationship, there is always something to learn. Ask yourself, “What can I learn from this experience?”
5. Treat yourself. This does not equate to binge shopping, but a small treat can be the ideal ‘pick me up’. You’re then in a better frame of mind to move forward.
6. Treat others. Do something positive for someone else for no particular reason. You’ll feel an ‘inner satisfaction’ for having done so. Feeling good about yourself prevents you slipping into pity party mode.
7. Change the record. It’s not helpful to tell too many people about your issue. You can end up sounding like a broken record. Remember to re-tell is to re-live and that is not always helpful.
8. Make space. You may need time simply to be alone with your thoughts, as opposed to talking through your issue with others. Personal ‘alone time’ may well be the order of the day.
9. Decide on desirable distractions. Perhaps what you need is to stop thinking about your issue altogether. Watch a movie, take some exercise or surf the net. When you do decide to re-focus, you often have a fresh perspective on your situation.
10. Write down your ‘downs’. Putting your thoughts and feelings down on paper can be a helpful way of off loading and working through your issue. Seeing things on paper can create a sense of clarity as well as being an honest account of how you’re feeling at the time. You’re then in a position to decide how best to move on.
Whichever of the above helps, remember this - Hippo Time is temporary. Successful people make sure they don’t spend too long wallowing and realise that setbacks are temporary, but quitting lasts a life time.
See more of Paul's work at http://www.thesumoguy.com/default.aspx
(I think I may have been one of those annoying "Happies" this evening!)
I think I will resist asking him if he can find the gift in this situation!!! I can just imagine the response!
Love and Blessings,
Jean Fisher-Taylor x
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