Its so quiet and peaceful until.....You blow a FUSE...

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Every Tuesday is Tip Day.  - Questions to ask before losing your cool!

No matter how spiritual I am, no matter how well I have started my day off with setting my intentions, a short meditation, getting my breathing right and feeling all happy and warm inside, something or someone can come along and topple me off my happy little perch.  Most of the time, I can take a deep breath and count to ten before scrambling right back on my perch and the something or someone can go about their merry way without really knowing they have upset me. 

However...........on a bad day, a hormonal day or a day when I haven’t had enough sleep.  I feel my jaws snapping and my breathing quickening, eyes flashing and before I know, I have snapped at someone and lost my temper.  I then have to spend the rest of the day or evening soothing my ruffled feathers and talking myself out of feeling guilty for my outburst (guilt is such a waste of emotion), before apologising profusely to whoever I have snapped at.

Gretchen Rubin, one of my favourite Happiness Guru’s has come up with a set of questions that can be used to encourage me to stop and think (sometimes) in time to affect my behaviour.

When I feel myself losing my temper, if I can muster the mindfulness to be self-reflective, I ask myself these questions:

1. Am I at fault? I hate to be criticized or to be in the wrong. Often, I’m angriest when someone is chiding me about something that I am, indeed, guilty of. When I’m about to hit back, I remind myself to accept criticism politely, if grudgingly.

2. Will this solve anything? I often snap when I feel like I’m confronting the same annoyance over and over. Fact is, people often have irritating habits that aren’t going to change. Failure to meet deadlines, failure to return phone calls, untidiness, etc., etc. I try to remember that snapping isn’t going to make any difference, but will only make ME feel bad.

3. Am I improving the situation? This is particularly important with my children and step children. If I lose my temper with them, the problem just escalates to a whole new horrible level. There are tears and wails, “You talked to me in a mean voice!” It’s far more effective to stay calm and also it so much nicer.

4. Should I be helping you? Often, I lose my temper because I’m actually feeling guilty about my own unhelpfulness. My guilt makes me crabby, but it’s really a sign that I should be taking action.

5. Am I uncomfortable? Discomfort shortens my fuse. I’ve become much more careful to dress warmly, to snack more often, to turn off the light when I’m sleepy, and to take pain relief as soon as I get a headache.

6. Can I make a joke of this? Using humour is extraordinarily effective, but I usually can’t find the inner depths to laugh at an annoying situation. A distant goal for which I’m striving.

It’s tempting to dwell on questions like, “Whose fault is it?” or “Why am I upset?” but in the end, these tend to stoke my temper instead of soothe it. I try to remind myself that no behaviour is annoying if I don’t find it annoying.

If all else fails, drive out to an open space get out of the car, scream, shout, beat your chest and then breathe deeply, get back in the car and carry on as normal.  Better out than in......!!!

Love and Blessings,

Jean Fisher-Taylor

 Inspiration for blog from Gretchen Rubin - The Happiness Project

Whole and heartlily perfect!

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To day is Monday Mantra and the one I have chosen today is "I am whole and heartily perfect!"

There are hundreds of thousands of books, videos, Cd's and courses that are aimed at the "self improvement" market.  The reason they are so popular is many of us, myself included, feel that if we read the book, watch the video, listen to the Cd and attend the course, then maybe, just maybe, we will fixed.  We will find the missing jigsaw puzzle piece that will make you whole again.  We see ourselves as imperfect souls looking for the right person, concept or idea to come into our life and to make us feel whole and perfect.  In reality, we are already there.  We are perfect, we are whole, we do not need to be fixed or improved.

Now, there is absolutely nothing wrong in making positive changes in your life to help you achieve goals.  There is nothing wrong in making healthy changes to your diet or to increase your exercise to help you to feel healthier inside and out.  There is nothing wrong with reading books, listening to Cd's and attending courses, soaking up as much knowledge and learning life tools along the way.  All of these pursuits are valid and enrich our lives.  It only becomes an issue when we believe that these pursuits will make us happier or will make us feel more complete.  Nothing can make you any more complete and perfect than you already are NOW.

When you look at your original self and see that your perfection shines out despite the ego's best efforts to make you feel that somehow you are less than you should be, you recognise the self that already approves of you!

So you see - you are whole and heartily perfect!

Love and Blessings,

Jean Fisher-Taylor

Gratitude

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Sunday is a great day to take some time out to review the week that has gone.  Look for as many things as possible to show gratitude to.  Perhaps create your own Gratitude Journal.  Include the lessons that have been learnt along the way this week too.  Even in difficult situations and relationships there are things to be grateful for.  If we always look for the gift in a negative situation, we are using our creative skills to look for the positive in everything and everyone, thus bringing more good into our every day lives.

I am grateful to my lovely daughter Rhianna for helping to set up my blog and Twitter.
I am grateful for the people who have taken the time to read this blog.
I am grateful to 171 people on Twitter who follow my tweets.
I am grateful for the bookings I have taken for workshops and treatments this week.
I am grateful to be celebrating my baby girl's 19th birthday today.
I am grateful that my husband made my breakfast this morning.

This is just an example of  some of the things I have written in my gratitude journal today.  Sometimes we are unaware of how many good things really do happen in a week.  Life can be so busy that we have no time to remember all the small things that have happened.  By taking the time to focus on the good and making a note of it, you continue to attract more of what you are focusing on.

So thank you to anyone dropping by to read my blog, I appreciate your time.

Love and Blessings,

Jean Fisher-Taylor

A big doze of mindfulness!

Image credit - http://bodymindheartspirit.ning.com/

Please see today's book review.
What is Mindfulness? By Simon Parke Long practised in the East, mindfulness is now well established in the West and widely used by those seeking psychological or spiritual change in their lives. But what is mindfulness and what benefits does it bring?
A simple definition is this: mindfulness is keeping your consciousness alive to the present moment, and this is harder than it sounds. Most of the time, our minds are either taking us back into the past or somewhere into the imaginary future, neither of which is helpful. The past is stale bread, the future’s no bread but the present is fresh bread. Which do you fancy?
Our breathing is a great help in becoming present, because, unlike our mind, it’s always in the moment. Becoming aware of your breathing, in and out, is a wonderful start to arriving in the now.
How mindful are you? Here’s one simple test: when we make a cup of tea without thinking, ‘What am I going to do next?’ then we are mindful. If we are making plans whilst making tea then we are not present to the tea. We are happier when we notice what is now and let the future – and the past- take care of itself.
Mindfulness says, ‘Stop thinking’. It invites us to stop wandering off into imaginings about the past or about what we want or don’t want in the future. Instead, we focus on our breathing. Thoughts will arise, and we watch them as they do but we neither identify with them nor judge them. We simply allow them. Soon, we become aware of the changeableness of our minds, and in time, begin to take our thoughts less seriously. This is liberating, for we’ve been their unquestioning slave for too long, and they don’t offer us the ‘reality’ we imagine.
We are shaped by what we do with our negative experiences. Depression, for instance, is a turning away from experience in order to avoid emotional pain. Mindfulness doesn’t stop negative thoughts or feelings, but does help us to question their believability. Are these negative feelings quite as solid as they appear? It helps to change our perception of life. You’ll need to give up your opinions of course. You cannot be mindful whilst holding onto your opinions. That’s like trying to keep dry by jumping into the sea.
Add a spoonful of salt to a glass of water and it makes a significant difference. Add the same spoon of salt to a jug of water and it makes some difference. But add it to a lake, and it hardly affects anything. Mindfulness makes a lake of us. In the present, we have endless inner space, which is a great step towards happiness. Difficult emotions, like the salt, may remain but their power to affect us is diffused. Previously they could ruin our day but now they can barely ruin five minutes. Simon Parke

I have a small glass sign that says "Live in the moment"  Like everyone, sometimes in takes real effort to bring myself back into the moment.  When life is going well and the future seems exciting, its very difficult not to keep projecting my ideas too far ahead.  I am going to read Simon Parke's latest book and and add some of his teachings to my spiritual tool-kit!

Simon Parkes is the author of One-Minute Mindfulness and One-Minute Mystic, available now from Hay House Publishers. http://www.hayhouse.co.uk/


Love and Blessings for a wonderful weekend,

Jean Fisher-Taylor x

Life is like a beautiful melody, only the lyrics are messed up. ~Author Unknown

 
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Welcome to Friday's post.  Each Friday we will look at techniques that we can all put into practise to create a happier or healthier life.

SCRAMBLE the Thought –NLP practitioners know of this powerful tool, and it’s simple for anyone to use by themselves.  You simply must be WILLING to try it.  If you’ve been embracing a negative mantra over and over in your mind, simply recognising its impact may not be enough.  Let’s take a mantra like, “I have too much to do”.  To scramble this sentence, or any other, do the following.

• Say the sentence 5 times really fast in a MICKEY MOUSE voice (yes, I’m serious).
• Say the sentence 5 times really slow in a COWBOY’S voice.
• Say the sentence 5 times is your most SENSUAL and SEDUCTIVE voice.
• Say the sentence 5 times BACKWARDS (i.e. “Do to much too have I”).

You must say it out loud.  If you’re saying it out loud, you’ll find yourself laughing out loud.  Just continue until you’ve made it all the way through the 4 steps above.  When you’re done, notice how you feel about the original sentence.  Most people experience the sentence as neutral or humorous after completing this exercise.  The addictive thought has been transformed.  Try it!!

It works perfectly well with all negative thought patterns too.  “I need to lose weight”,” I am not good enough”, “I am always tired and stressed”, “Nobody ever helps out” etc.

Remember the true fact that our thoughts create our reality.

Replace It. As you loosen the grips on the thoughts that no longer serve your highest good, it’s important to replace them with something more empowering – so that the negative thoughts are no  longer a part of your subconscious.  Consciously choosing the complete opposite of the original thought is a simple solution.   In the example above, “I have too much to do”, could be transformed into, “I’m on track”, or “It’s all going to get done”.  As long as the replacement is more powerful than the unwanted statement, you’re on track.

Our minds are like beautiful gardens.  They need to be tended to regularly to weed out the negative thoughts and to plant and sow new empowering thoughts. 

Love and Blessings,

Jean Fisher-Taylor

Love is all around you so come on and let it show!

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Self love is not a doing action but an inner experience from which self-loving behaviour is born.  Loving yourself is essentially about releasing negative self concepts, beliefs, guilt or shame or self judgement that stands in the way of embracing the truth of who you really are.  It prevents you from seeing your inherent worth.  When you begin to see the value of you, others will too.  Self love makes every area of your life better not just romantic love and relationships. 

Rumi says - "Your task is not to seek for love, but....the barriers within yourself that you have built against it".

When you start to act more lovingly towards yourself you will ignite a renewed relationship with yourself.  You will begin to reprogramme your subconscious mind with a new way of relating with yourself.

Below are some ideas for taking some time out to honour and respect yourself by treating yourself more lovingly.

Eating more healthy foods.
Drinking enough fluids.
Seeking healing and support to release past negative emotions.
Changing negative self beliefs to positive one's with daily affirmations.
Setting inspiring goals.
Doing absolutely nothing but relaxing and simply being with yourself.
Respecting your boundaries and saying NO  when it feels right.
Transforming or decorating your home and surrounding yourself with beautiful objects.
Nourishing and caring for your body through exercise and meditation.
Treating yourself to a pamper - a facial, massage or new hair do.
Buying clothes and colours that reflect your true self.
Taking up new hobbies or activities that spark passion within you.
Being honest with yourself, listening and honouring your true feelings.
Speaking kindly about yourself at all times.
Short breaks and retreats away to feed the mind, body and soul.
Spend time outdoors, fresh air blows away stale energy and leaves you refreshed.
Make lists of all your achievements, gifts and qualities.
Forgiving yourself for any mistakes that have been made.

This list is endless and I am sure you can think of other things that would make you feel good.  Self love is not a selfish pursuit.  Only when you can truly accept yourself and treat yourself with loving respect will you feel in complete harmony with yourself.  When you are in harmony, the universe conspires to bring you more harmony as that is what you are attracting.

Loving me......Loving you!

Jean Fisher-Taylor

(Inspiration was taken from Aine Belton - Global Love)

Trust Yourself

Marianne Williamson

Today's blog and every Wednesday's blog will be paying tribute to inspirational and influential people that touch our lives with their work, their amazing writing or simply their life story.

The first person I would like to bring to your attention is the wonderful writer Marianne Williamson.  I had the pleasure of hearing her talk in 2009 at the I Can Do It conference in London hosted by Hay House.  Marianne was utterly captivating.  Marianne is an internationally known spiritual leader and a teacher of A Course in Miracles.  Her book A Return to Love has one of the most powerful inspirational quotes. This is perhaps something you are already familiar with.  I have a copy that was given to me by my fabulous friend Susan Davis.  I keep in on my desk where I can see it every day as a reminder to believe in myself and to live a life without fear.

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

Marianne's inspiration reaches out beyond her writing and teaching.  In 1989, she founded Project Angel Food, a meals-on-wheels program that serves homebound people with AIDS in the Los Angeles area. Today, Project Angel Food serves over 1,000 people daily. Marianne also founded The Department of Peace Campaign, a grass roots campaign supporting legislation to establish a U. S. Department of Peace.

If you would like to know about Marianne, her work, her books and future events take a look at her website. http://www.marianne.com/

Love and Blessings,

Jean Fisher-Taylor x