When I loved myself enough

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My friend Carrie suggested that I read this book and I did.  It is a beautifully simple book written by Kim McMillan who wished to share her wisdom with the world and encourage others to love themselves for who they are.  She sadly died at the young age of 52 but left a legacy to us all.  Her work was taken forward by her daughter Alison who continues to share her mother's teachings. This is a lovely gift for yourself, your friends, family and anyone who needs to be reminded to love themselves.

About the author
By Alison McMillen, January 2001
My mother died in September of 1996, at the age of 52, only a few short months after writing this book. She was not ill and did not know that she was going to die. Her death was very sudden and it deeply shocked everyone who knew her. It has been very difficult for me, as well as her friends and family, to cope with live without her. She died too young, and I am aware of her absence every waking moment.
One thing that has made grieving for her more tolerable has been this book. Following her lead, I continued to publish it out of my home. It has been extremely rewarding work. I have received countless letters and phone calls from people all over the world who have been touched by the wisdom of my mom’s words. They tell me that they feel as though, through the book, they have come to know Kim McMillen. I could not agree more.
This book is my mother. Its message is hat she spent years mediating on, reading and writing about, and experiencing. It is everything she believed in, and everything she brought me up to believe in. it is her autobiography, her declaration, her soul.
Even though she didn’t know she was nearing the end of her life, she knew on some level that she had to express the things that she had learned to be true. After many years filled with self-doubt and self-criticism, she decided to devote herself to finding self-compassion. When she did, and was able to write her findings down for others to read, her life was complete, and sadly cam to and end.
I have a constant ache in my heart, a longing to see hear again in this world. She was an amazing mother, friend, writer, business consultant, chaplain, river runner, dog lover, neighbor and woman. Although I miss her terrible, I am comforted by the knowledge that, as this book is the truest expression of who my mom was, in its continued existence, what she had to offer to the world will live on.

When I loved myself enough
by Kim McMillen
It begins with the following introduction

For many years I lived with a guarded heart. I did not know how to extend love and compassion to myself. In my fortieth year that began changing.

As I grew to love all of who I am, life started changing in beautiful and mysterious ways. My heart softened and I began to see through very different eyes.

My commitment to follow this calling grew strong and in the process a divine intelligence came to guide my life. I believe this ever present resource is grace, and is available to us all.

For the past twelve years I have been learning to recognise and accept this gift. Cultivating love and compassion for myself made it possible.

The following steps are uniquely mine. Yours will look different. But I do hope mine give voice to a hunger you may share.

Kim McMillen

When I loved myself enough I quit settling for too little.
When I loved myself enough I came to know my own goodness.
When I loved myself enough I began taking the gift of life seriously and gratefully.
When I loved myself enough I began to know I was in the right place at the right time and I could relax.
When I loved myself enough I felt compelled to slow down way down. And that has made all the difference.
When I loved myself enough I bought a feather bed.
When I loved myself enough I came to love being alone surrounded by silence, awed by its spell, listening to inner space.

These are only a few of the lines from the book.  In the spirit of loving and appreciating yourself as the beautiful, unique and special person you are, I ask you to create your own verses starting with:

"When I loved myself enough"...I.....?

Love and Blessings,

Jean Fisher-Taylor x

Following a dream...!

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Hello!  I am sorry that I have been absent for a few days but I have been off following a dream! 

I applied to become a contestant on Deal or No Deal 14 months ago.  I am a huge fan of the programme and just love Noel Edmonds!  I only recently received a phone call offering me an audition in London this week.  I attended the audition and got through the first stage and now I am waiting to find out my fate which will be later in the year.  It was a wonderful experience and I am grateful for being given the opportunity as there were over 100,000 applications.

On the return journey from London yesterday I began thinking about my blog and how Deal or No Deal is so significant in every day life.  In other words, do we just settle because it is an easier option or do we push on and create opportunities for something better to be offered in life.  Do you "Deal" for what life offers or do you "No Deal" and wait to see if something bigger and better is offered to you?  Do you feel you deserve enough or lots more?

For the first time in a long time, I was out of my comfort zone.  I felt that exciting feeling of butterflies in my stomach.  I was given an opportunity to have fun, meet many fascinating people and to experience something totally new and unknown to me.  All this from completing an application form to become a contestant on a favourite game show.

I challenge you to try something completely new today.  Do something that pushes the barriers of your comfort zone.  Stretch yourself to do something that will make you excited.  You never know where it may take you and who you may meet.

Love and Blessings,

Jean Fisher-Taylor x

I believe in Angels.......!

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I would not say that I was a huge Abba fan but I have always loved their song "I believe in Angels" since I was young.  Little did I know that that belief would open up a whole world of wonderful things working with Angels, healing with Angels and teaching about Angels.  I realised that my life path and purpose was probably always destined to work with Angelic Realms.  As a little girl, I collected scraps but only Angel ones!  When I had my own house, I bought Angels at Christmas but couldn't bear to put them away with all the other ornaments in January.

Angels made their presence very clear to me after the death of my husband Martin in 2005.  Even in the darkest days and nights, they left me small clues to their support and love.  When I realised that my life path was to work with them full time, I can honestly say that life has become joyful.  I love the work that I do, I am passionate about teaching in workshops, I love to see someone healing when they have invited Angels in to their life and I love that each day, my work colleagues are ethereal beings of love, light and happiness.

If you haven't done so already, please invite your Guardian Angels in to your life, ask them to provide signs that they are with you and hand over anything that needs to be healed in your life.  I can promise they will never let you down and will always create miracles and magic in your life if you put your trust in them.  Let them be your life coach, let them guide you to the perfect job, home, partner and health.  Give them your hopes and dreams and trust that they will deliver miracles.

All together now, in those words of Abba..............

I have a dream, a song to sing
To help me cope with anything
If you see the wonder of a fairy tale
You can take the future even if you fail
I believe in angels
Something good in everything I see
I believe in angels
When I know the time is right for me
I'll cross the stream - I have a dream

I have a dream, a fantasy
To help me through reality
And my destination makes it worth the while
Pushing through the darkness still another mile
I believe in angels
Something good in everything I see
I believe in angels
When I know the time is right for me
I'll cross the stream - I have a dream
I'll cross the stream - I have a dream

I have a dream, a song to sing
To help me cope with anything
If you see the wonder of a fairy tale
You can take the future even if you fail
I believe in angels
Something good in everything I see
I believe in angels
When I know the time is right for me
I'll cross the stream - I have a dream
I'll cross the stream - I have a dream

For more information on Angel Therapy see http://www.heartsandangels.co.uk/

Love and Angelic Blessings,

Jean Fisher-Taylor x

I'll cry if I want to...!!

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I have been on an emotional roller coaster the last few days!  This is partly due to the full moon which as we all know was very close to earth and lots of people have been feeling a surge of negative emotions, tiredness, sleeplessness and irritability.  I had all of those emotions and have felt the need to weep buckets of tears.  I know that these tears are healing and need to be released in order to make me feel better which I am happy to report they have!

I know from personal experience that there are times when I haven't gone with the flow of my tears.  I have held them back, swallowed the emotion and even nipped myself to distract myself from crying with pain.  I thought it wasn't the right time, I thought I would make others uncomfortable, I was afraid if I started I may not stop. I have come to realise that crying is essential for emotional well being and harmony. 

Crying is often recommended by therapists and in self-help articles found in newspapers and magazines.  However, people still apologize for doing it.  But tears have a biological benefit because tension is released when we cry.  Crying also lubricates the eyes. and provides a physical catharsis that allows the body to discharge certain toxins.

We need to know that crying provides an emotional benefit. You can feel relieved and more relaxed after crying. Stress can also play havoc with your health. Stress is released when we cry and therefore crying has a positive effect on our mental and emotional health because it is a natural response in coping with pain and grief. Certain chemicals and hormones that are accumulated during stress create toxins, and it is these toxins that are released when we cry. Crying also releases a chemical called endorphins that make us happy. That’s why we feel better after a good cry.

So the next time you get hurt, feel sad or little bit down don’t apologize for the tears. Go ahead and have a good cry. You’ll keep your stress level down and improve your health if you do.

I once read that tears flow from the waterfall in your heart when you need to heal!!

Here's hoping that you don't have many reasons to cry! (But if you do....its healthy).

Love and Blessings,

Jean Fisher-Taylor x

Boundaries

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No one can make you feel inferior without your consent - Eleanor Roosevelt

Do you have someone in your life that makes you feel less magnificent than you should feel?  It can be a partner, parent, child, friend or colleague.  If someone makes you feel small or less beautiful and perfect than you really are or putting too much on your shoulders then you need to set firm boundaries to protect yourself and to stop any negative behaviour towards yourself.

I am in the process of setting some boundaries as someone has sometimes knowingly and quite often unknowingly made remarks that have hurt me and caused distressed.  I am aware that I have internalised this hurt and it has affected my behaviour in certain areas of my life.  After much soul searching and several sleepless nights I am taking ownership of this problem.  It isn't what the person is saying or their bad behaviour that is causing the problem, it is MY reaction and refusal to confront the situation that is causing me to hurt.  I have been choosing to ignore the problem and therefore, internally making myself miserable.

As this is the year I am making huge changes, I am now tackling this situation and confronting the person causing the distress and I am setting very firm boundaries that will protect my energy and my faith in myself! I came across these tips.  If you need to set boundaries or reinforce one's that you have in place, I hope these will help.

10 Tips for Setting Boundaries by Julie Fordham - Articlesbase

1.      Define what your Values and Priorities are.  What is really important to you?  What do you want to achieve?  Look at all areas of your life, not just work – lets go for ideal world stuff here to help you broaden your perspective – spending more time with your family, friends, spending quality time with your children, actually taking all of your holiday allocation to enjoy and relax away from work or your business, hobbies, self development, fun, sporting activities, leisure activities, baking etc.
2.      Tell Them! You will need to let people know what your boundaries are.  If you always stay at work late but have decided that on a Friday you are going to leave work on time, then you have to let people know that.  If you do not wish to barter your services with another business and you want to get paid for the work you do, then you have to let people know that.  If you do not want to be shouted at in the middle of an open plan office by someone who just happens to be having a bad day, you need to calmly and directly let them know that.
3.      You can't please everyone all of the time! Most of the time people will understand that you want to dedicate time to the different areas of your life, especially if you explain the importance of those areas to them.  When you enter into "people pleasing" Island, remember sometimes you have to please yourself without feeling guilty about it, so that you meet your needs, wants and achieve your goals.  It is easy to feel like you are being selfish but surely if you do not take time out to meet your needs, you are never really well equipped to meet the needs of others.
4.      Teach people how to treat you. You probably don't realise it but every day you teach people around you how you want them to treat you.  If you do not speak up and let someone know how you want to be treated, you are giving them the message loud and clear "it's perfectly ok to treat me like that".  Learn how to say no (http://www.juliefordham.com/6), speak up.  This is the quickest and most effective way to ensure others are clear about who you are and how to respect your boundaries.
5.      Say No but offer an alternative.  Sometimes we do not say no to requests because we fear that it can come across as unhelpful, harsh or abrupt.  However, there is a solution to this – offer an alternative or more detail.  The following are only examples of what you could say, as every situation, person, career is different and this article cannot cover every possible scenario.

• "No, I can't take on that project now, I have a lot of commitments on at the moment and it would mean that I would not be able to complete them on time.

Conversely, if you are in a situation and you have to say yes, consider saying:

• "You know I have a lot on right now and taking on this project is going to affect the deadlines on other projects, is it possible to delegate these other tasks to someone else?"

Or another way of putting it might be:

• "Yes, I will do it but only when I have finished these other projects and give a date when you will be starting it.

6.      Don't reinvent the wheel. Think about people you know that demonstrate strong boundary setting.  Then ask them for some tips and advice. Also watch and listen to what they do and say.  Then try it for yourself.
7.      Maintain a neutral tone.  Begin by setting simple but firm boundaries with a neutral tone. (Think about how you would say "the grass is green" and this is the tone you are aiming for).  It will feel uncomfortable at first and perhaps a little awkward but the more you practice it, the more confident you will feel.
8.      Perfect your Communication Skills. Try to model direct, clear and assertive communication skills so that you are understood.  If your communication is unclear or vague you will give a partial message about what your boundaries are, to whoever you are talking to.    This means that people can misunderstand or misinterpret what you say and your needs will not be met or understood.
9.      Eliminate the "If I don't do it, it won't get done" voice. If the task is important, it will and it will always get done! If you work for a company, someone will be found to complete a project or task.  If it really wouldn't get done then it really wasn't that important.  If you work for yourself you need to ask yourself the question "Is this particular project/task in alignment with my business goals and strategy?"  If it isn't, it isn't a priority.
10.  You know you need to set a boundary when..............  you feel anger, resentment or you find yourself complaining about the same situation for the 100th time.  Think about what the issue is for you and how it affects you as a person.  Think about how it impacts on your time, values and priorities.  Then communicate your boundary clearly using as few words as possible.  Try not to justify, apologise or rationalise what you are saying and at all costs do not argue.
So there they are some tried and tested (but by no means exhaustive) tips for boundary setting to support you in reclaiming the time and balance in your life, career or business.
Like everything setting boundaries is a process.  You will probably not have a problem with setting or defining them, the challenge comes when you have to stick to them.  At the start you may find yourself in a three steps forward, two steps back situation.  Inevitably, you will come up against someone, who liked the old you, who gave up their time, energy, resources and goals easily and effortlessly.  They will question and challenge you because they liked the way you used to be.    However, the more you practice the more confidence you will gain, so stick to your guns and don't give up.

Love and Blessings,

Jean Fisher-Taylor

"I love myself"

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Hello and welcome to a new week and a new Monday Mantra.  I ran an Angel Workshop yesterday and read this meditation to the group.  I thought it would be lovely to share with all of you.  It is from Louise L Hay and it is called "I love myself",  Therefore the Mantra this week is......

"I love myself"

I hope you enjoy this and take the time to let the words resonate with you.  When ever you feel low or in need of a loving boost, please re-read this.

I love myself

Deep at the centre of my being,
there is an infinite well of love.

I now allow this love to flow to the surface.
It fills my heart, my body, my mind, my consciousness,
my very being, and radiates out from me in all directions
and returns to me multiplied.
The more love I use and give, the more I have to give.
The supply is endless.
The use of love makes me feel good,
it is an expression of my inner joy.

I love myself;
therefore, I take loving care of my body.
I lovingly feed it nourishing foods and beverages,
I lovingly groom it and dress it, and my body lovingly
responds to me with vibrant health and energy.

I love myself; therefore provide for myself
a comfortable home, one that fills
all my needs and is a pleasure to be in.
I fill the rooms with the vibration of love
so that all who enter, myself included,
will feel this love and be nourished by it.

I love myself; therefore I work at a job I truly enjoy
doing, one that uses my creative talents and abilities,
working with and for people I love and who love me,
and earning a good income.

I love myself; therefore, I behave and think in a loving
way to all people for I know that that which I give out
returns to me multiplied.
I only attract loving people in my world,
for they are a mirror of what I am.

I love myself; therefore I forgive and totally release
the past and all past experiences and I am free.

I love myself; therefore I live totally in the now,
experiencing each moment as good and knowing that
my future is bright and joyous and secure,
for I am a beloved child of the Universe
and the Universe lovingly takes care of me
now and forever more.

And so it is.

Love and Blessings,

Jean Fisher-Taylor x

Home is where the heart is!

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I was watching a television programme yesterday and could feel my hackles rising!  It is called How not to decorate with Justin and Colin.  Now as people and designers I love these two very much.  However, yesterday they were picking through some poor couple's home, laughing at the lack of taste they had, scoffing over pine cladding and colour choices and organising a skip to dump twenty years of  hard earned and probably much loved furniture and personal bits. (The couple had not requested that they go on the show themselves, a kindly neighbour nominated them as she felt they lived in a time warp!).

It got me thinking.  What does our home say about us? What does our home feel like to other people?

We build up a home around us over many years.  We add our personal touches with photographs, momentos of holidays and beloved gifts given by friends and family.  We choose colours that are in fashion at the time or that make us feel safe and comfortable.  Most of us do not have a bottomless purse to constantly change with the times.  My own home reflects me to a tee, someone once said that the house is full of hearts and angels (Ahhh the name of my little shop was born and when that closed, my holistic business took on this name too).

A home is where love is. It is where your heart has created comfort.  You feel that love as soon as you enter the house, its a vibration, a joyful feeling and a bubble of excitement.  I love other people's homes, I love how bits of them are reflected in every room.  We are all individuals, we are all drawn to different colours, woods, objects and ideas of comfort.  That is what creates OUR homes.

I wish the designers who make tv programmes would remember this when they entering someone's sanctuary and place of safety and comfort, where their heart has created love.  It may not be this season's colours Darrrrling, it may not be in vogue at the moment but it is HOME! There isn't a shop in the world where you can buy that kind of love!!! The end result may look stunning, if somewhat impractical but I feel so sad when I hear them say "It doesn't feel like our home". Why would it? The very essence of them has been removed to make way for a magazine cover look that isn't really meant to be lived in at all.

Wishing you all a fabulous weekend in your home's filled with love!

Jean Fisher-Taylor